Today I sang at a funeral service. This was the first funeral I had to sing since the COVID-19 outbreak. As a singer this is what I can count on for a few months, I think: funerals, Requiem, In paradisum... Somehow I was hoping for studying Ave Maria by Franz Schubert for a weddig of a friend or something, but not for a funeral.
Now I am grateful for choosing for becoming a hybrid, so the virus-crisis didn't take away all my income. Becoming independent from the music industry proves itself (again and again) as the best decision I've ever made. Having a part-time flexible job in the healthcare sector is not only rewarding and giving financial certainity, but indirectly it is making me a better singer, a better performer. I feel I have better contact with my audience and more social sensitivity when it comes to compiling programmes.
While as a singer my routine has drastically changed, at the same time as a help at home for elderly and sick people in the healthcare sector my daily routine hasn't changed much, so my life is more or less the same as before the announced self-quarantine and "work from home" policies. I cannot work from home, sorry - and not sorry. I would like to help wherever I can as long as I am on my feet and breathing. The buses, public places are deserted, sometimes I have an entire bus for my own. I'm adjusting my tasks at my clients and I wash my hands as often as I can - I work with strict hygenic rules anyway and I am careful, but now I'm taking this to another level, so I can keep on helping as long as I can.
And I sing for them. You heard me right, I sing for them - with vacuum-cleaner accompaniment. I do this all the time, but now I try to sing the songs that make me happy and calm, but also my clients - some Purcell here, some Monteverdi there... Or just try to find more and more ways to ornament the melody of Amazing grace.
Above all I do my best to keep my calm, to remain strong and solid like a rock. That's what govenrments and the media and so many people do wrong nowadays: instead of raising awareness they are generating panic and talking about an invisible enemy. There's no enemy here, nor it is invisible. Your invisible enemy is you in your own head, your fears and demons. It is impossible to do groceries these days and follow the guidelines at the same time. Everybody is buying toilet paper, flour, hand soap, etc., but they don't buy probiotics, immune-boosters, veggies, etc.
Weird times, very weird times...
Stay at home! - they say. And you know what? It's not a bad thing to stay at home for a change. Pandemic or not, staying at home is a great thing! You can get around to read the books you always wanted to read, be productive in your own time, do stuff around the house that always should have been done. Worried about not being able to socialize? We're living in the digital era, almost everyone has a tablet or a smartphone with cameras, and an internet connection - make appointments with eachother for video calls! I know, it's not the same as getting together in the same room, but you know what? This weekend I'm going to teach a friend to cook real Hungarian "gulyás soup", and we'll cook together! Yesterday I gave a really nice singing lesson to one of my pupils, and today (after the funeral and after eating lunch) I was working on Hungarian pronounciation with my Estonian friend, Liis, who sings in Bartók Rózsái Énekegyüttes - and all these online! You can get a lot done! The world slowed down, you just have to enjoy that you can finally comprehend life as it is in real time. As for me, I experience this slow pace daily life as a blessing.
Imagine, you have an old unsolved argument with someone: now is the time to contact them and begin to figure things out, how you two could forgive eachother for good this time. Now you have the distance, you have the time to have a decent and adult conversation with eachother
It can be hellish, but you can create your paradise too, so why would you make yourself miserable and complain about not being able to go out(side)? By the way, you can still take a walk in the nature and if you have a balcony you can still sit there - that's still allowed. You can also choose to make life a living hell for the endangered group of people, by not following the guidelines, or you can plant the seed of paradise for others by following them.
And then my thoughts go back to the Requiem mass I was singing today at the funeral, and that last antiphone seems suddenly hopeful and promising a brighter future. I really do hope that withdrawing ourselves from social gatherings and being pushed to spend some time alone will teach us to appreciate and respect eachother more. That's the kind of future I imagined for myself on this Saturday afternoon, and that's the paradise I'm longing for, but until then...
In paradisum...
