Notre Dame thoughts

I have been planning on writing this entry for a while after seeing all the complaints about the money raised for the restauration of the Notre Dame in Paris.

On Monday evening when I saw the first news about the fire I had a heavy feeling of worries in my chest. I felt that my heart is breaking a little. I'm not Catholic, and I have never been to the cathedral, but somehow the Notre Dame is still an important building for me for many reasons.

The organ
My first thought was immediately: the organ! My Dad is a very good amateur organ player and on Sunday mornings, when I was a kid, we have listened to the organ music they played on the Hungarian Bartók Rádió. Many of these recordings were recorded at the Notre Dame. That instrument is an old, awesome and precious one! I'm not playing the organ, but I respect the instrument itself, along with all the organ players who contributing to its greatness.
Even if you're not a Christian, you should have respect for their hard work! 
And how relieved and happy I was when I heard that the organ remains intact!

The building
The Notre Dame - as many of you know - is a Gothic cathedral with countless paintings, frescos, stained glass windows, statues and architectural achievements.
Even if you're not a Christian, you should respect for the hard work of the builders and the input of the artists!

The music
If you're a Musician, you should know that without the Notre Dame School we wouldn't have polyphonic music, nor Classical nor pop music (fine, it might had just happened at another cathedral's school, but you cannot deny the fact that it was this particular cathedral and the university associated to it that made the whole thing possible and served as a location to it). The Notre Dame style organum, the birth of polyphony and mensural notation is associated with the cathedral. We know that the organum compositions were widely spread throughout Europe from Scotland to Sweden. From the organums' clausulas came the motets and so on and so on. That cathedral had witnessed the first steps of polyphonic music and the beginnings of the development of mensural notation.
As an Early Musician you should be worried when such location is almost being destroyed by the fire.
Even if you're not a Christian and/or Early Musician, you should be relieved that the Notre Dame is not gone.

You know, I was happy when I saw that on the same evening rich people offered huge amounts of money for the restauration. I was happy, because finally they were openly giving out money for something that has an estetic, cultural, musical and spiritual value - on something that stands for the values I can also appreciate. The restauration and the rebuilding of the Notre Dame is everyone's responsibility and there are seriously people who say that that money could be used for better things? Really? Are you really going to tell others what they should donate money for? And how do you know that these companies and rich people doesn't donate on the causes that you're thinking about?

When I saw all these complaints on Social media platforms and in the newspaper, I couldn't believe my own eyes. Az

On a personal note in this personal note: I know, I might be too ambitious, and maybe I'm a dreamer, but I do wish I could sing organum or any other genre related in this gorgeous cathedral once. So please, don't whine upon the donations for its restauration, because you're messing with my dreams.

Aside from that and all in áll: respect and appreciate your ancestors' hard work. If you don't do so, your work will be neglected and unappreciated too at a certain point.

Priorities

There's something I learned a few years ago, like five or six years ago: set your priorities.

But what are these priorites? How can you decide what's the most important for you at the moment you set them? This morning I've found the ever first interview I gave in my life from 2014, the year when I graduated from my MA studies. At that time artistic development was all I cared for and I was sure that the rest will come by itself. I wanted to develop artistically by growing as a person, figuring out who I really am - just like every young adult does in their 20s.

I remember back then I wanted to make it as a performing artist, a singer, I wanted to be a bright hot star, but not for myself but for others to recongnize my talent, and maybe I wanted badly to grab someone's attention - like it would mattered if that person recognizes my talent. Today I know that my talent is just one little detail of the person who I am. I don't need anyone's recognition anymore. I am fully capable woman, standing on my own, just like I've always been. Ever since I don't care about success, fame, wealth or being able to make a living out of singing and music, I am free. Not caring about these earthly treasures liberated me completely, and now I have time for more valuable priorities, such as family, friends, my garden and above all these: myself.

I look back of my reckless 20s with nostalgy and with a little laughter. It's not that I don't want to face beautiful musical challanges anymore, but I changed my mentality about it. I try to choose my battles and challanges carefully in such way that I am aware that I am the one who takes care of the firm emotional background, I am the one who takes care of Johanna Földesi, and not someone else. I'm almost sure that even if I would be in a relationship, I would still be the only one who would be responsible for this task and I would only have a tiny support and space given to be able to do so. Actually I was a little kid when I had the very strong feeling that I would have to learn to be able to be alone and to be a good companion for my very self. This childhood memories follows me on my path every day, and sometimes life just gets overwhelming and too much - at times like this I just stop, take a good look at myself and I decide whether I could use some help or not.
It doesn't sound too flattering, right? Don't worry, it's not as bad as it might sound like.

But back to priorities! Here are some top priorities of the 33 years old Johanna Földesi.

Quality above quantitiy
I remember when I was in my 20s I could do a thousand stuff in a day and now I am happy if from the 6 tasks I planned for a day I can do the half of it, but then I do them right. It gives me now more satisfaction than the amount of tasks I complete per day.

Reputation
You know, as you age, it's all about dignity. There are certain things I would do at the age of 33 years, what I would have definitly had done when I was 23. Fame and wealth can shine so bright that you don't see the dirt and the wrong under it. You're blinded by their illusion.
Once you get to a certain age, and you don't have to be 50+ to be an example for the younger generation, to become an influence for a youngster. I believe that as an artist you're responsible for those who look up to you and your work and your morals should show that. So stop messing around and grow up! Act like an adult person, even if it seems hard. You can be a kid again when you perform, but accepting adulthood will only help you to develop further as a human being.

Family and friends
Not blindfoldedly and not putting them before yourself, but they are top priority. And sometimes you have friends who make up for some family members - no offense, really. Of course, in the end you're the one that's responsible for yourself, but you also need some support from your family and friends, and sometimes you have to be their support. Whatever happens, just do your best to be there for them: check on them, ask them how they are doing and ask it in such way that you're truly interested in their answer - you know what I'm talking about!

Be lazy sometimes
I have a very dear old friend in Vienna. This friend of mine a bit older than 80, but just as fresh as any young adult. Every once in a while I go and visit her in Vienna and then we talk about what has happened to us since we saw each other for the last time. Even though I spin around much less than I used to, I still do a lot of things and most of the times these "lot of things" happen in paralel with eachother. So there was me telling my friend how many things I am involved with, what amazing projects, and my job, and so on, to which she just told me: but are you also lazy sometimes? I just laughed and said that yes, every once in a while I just do nothing - although at that time I wasn't living up to it that much as I do now.
What I want to say is that you should be lazy sometimes. Just do nothing and enjoy it. And when I say "nothing" I mean literally nothing. Before I fully embraced the dolce far niente (= pleasant idleness) I seriously started to wonder about why am I so busy all the time? Am I busy because I'm really busy and things must get done, or because I think they must get done. Huge difference. Also, are these things coming from my side or is it something that necessary for the everyday life? I came to the conclusion that there are very few obligations in our lives that really are obligations, therefore I decided to be more relaxed about it, and one of the consequences of this decision was that my body let go of a lot of tension and I changed as a singer.
My way of thinking also have changed. For example if someone tells me that I should go to an audition of a talent show, because I'm told that I'm talented and it looks good on my CV and it would get me good connections, doesn't mean that I really should do that. It's rather that I have the freedom to choose to do the audition and even if I choose not to do it, I'm still the same talented singer I've always been.

Settle down
There comes a moment in life when you get more mature and you are not as bouncy-bouncy as you were when you were much younger. There comes a time in your life when you just want to have something to rely on and you just want to have a quite life with working in your garden, taking long walks in a forest and enjoying a glass of wine and cooking together with a good friend on a Friday evening. You start to feel that you need a safe harbour where you can return to for recovery and rejuvination.


It's funny how priorities change in just 5-6 years time. Of course, not everyone's priorities change this early as mine did, and that's also perfectly fine. I think, standing alone throughout my entire life anticipated this change. I had more time to figure things out for myself. I wouldn't call myself wise, I'm improvising through my entire life and there are just a few things I'm sure about, and those are my priorities. And the best thing about it, that your priorities will change as your life changes. Or at least that's how I survive, I believe...