Notre Dame thoughts

I have been planning on writing this entry for a while after seeing all the complaints about the money raised for the restauration of the Notre Dame in Paris.

On Monday evening when I saw the first news about the fire I had a heavy feeling of worries in my chest. I felt that my heart is breaking a little. I'm not Catholic, and I have never been to the cathedral, but somehow the Notre Dame is still an important building for me for many reasons.

The organ
My first thought was immediately: the organ! My Dad is a very good amateur organ player and on Sunday mornings, when I was a kid, we have listened to the organ music they played on the Hungarian Bartók Rádió. Many of these recordings were recorded at the Notre Dame. That instrument is an old, awesome and precious one! I'm not playing the organ, but I respect the instrument itself, along with all the organ players who contributing to its greatness.
Even if you're not a Christian, you should have respect for their hard work! 
And how relieved and happy I was when I heard that the organ remains intact!

The building
The Notre Dame - as many of you know - is a Gothic cathedral with countless paintings, frescos, stained glass windows, statues and architectural achievements.
Even if you're not a Christian, you should respect for the hard work of the builders and the input of the artists!

The music
If you're a Musician, you should know that without the Notre Dame School we wouldn't have polyphonic music, nor Classical nor pop music (fine, it might had just happened at another cathedral's school, but you cannot deny the fact that it was this particular cathedral and the university associated to it that made the whole thing possible and served as a location to it). The Notre Dame style organum, the birth of polyphony and mensural notation is associated with the cathedral. We know that the organum compositions were widely spread throughout Europe from Scotland to Sweden. From the organums' clausulas came the motets and so on and so on. That cathedral had witnessed the first steps of polyphonic music and the beginnings of the development of mensural notation.
As an Early Musician you should be worried when such location is almost being destroyed by the fire.
Even if you're not a Christian and/or Early Musician, you should be relieved that the Notre Dame is not gone.

You know, I was happy when I saw that on the same evening rich people offered huge amounts of money for the restauration. I was happy, because finally they were openly giving out money for something that has an estetic, cultural, musical and spiritual value - on something that stands for the values I can also appreciate. The restauration and the rebuilding of the Notre Dame is everyone's responsibility and there are seriously people who say that that money could be used for better things? Really? Are you really going to tell others what they should donate money for? And how do you know that these companies and rich people doesn't donate on the causes that you're thinking about?

When I saw all these complaints on Social media platforms and in the newspaper, I couldn't believe my own eyes. Az

On a personal note in this personal note: I know, I might be too ambitious, and maybe I'm a dreamer, but I do wish I could sing organum or any other genre related in this gorgeous cathedral once. So please, don't whine upon the donations for its restauration, because you're messing with my dreams.

Aside from that and all in áll: respect and appreciate your ancestors' hard work. If you don't do so, your work will be neglected and unappreciated too at a certain point.

Listen! (Part 1)

I would like to dedicate a few entries to the ears. Ever since I've been busy with digging myself into Lajos Szamosi's Path to Free Singing, I am more and more interested in this curious body part, the ears and especially the process of listening. As a musician and as a singer of course you listen differently and you listen more carefully than anyone else. Before I've got to know the Szamosi Approach I was convinced that there are people who have ears for music and there are those who just simply don't have any musical hearing. There is a difference, of course, but there is nothing to do with the body part itself, it has rather a lot to do with how we use our ears, and what we are used to. Moreover, the ability of listening and our ears can be trained, although you have to be aware that the thin line that seperates professionals from amateurs, in the aspect of listening(!!), is actually very much based on your sensbility, if you dare to feel. We are not the same, not in body and certainly not in personality, and each of us have our own farthest limitations, but whether someone becomes a professional musician and/or singer or not, in the end the success will always depend on one's sensibility, sensitivity and body awareness (this last one can be learned and/or natural).

There are different perspectives of listening, and I would never confuse listening with hearing. Hearing is a passive, while listening is active and supposes that the one who listens also pays attention - hearing not necessarily comes with attention paid. 

I think almost all of us know this quote from The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery (see above), but I'm pretty sure there are just the few among us who actually able to see with their hearts. Actually most of us doesn't even know or can tell how you can see with your heart. Of course, everyone has their interpretation on it, so let me give you mine.

In my opinion, listening is acceptance. It requires an open mind, an open attitude. If someone is truly listening to the other, their heart is open, just as their mind and accepting all the information (emotional, practical, theoretical, etc) that's been said. If listening is acceptance, than it also brings you to let go of the will to control the current situation, and that can be pretty scary. Most of the self-protecting stances begin with cutting the channels to truly listen and the flow of information coming to us. 

Listening is not only essential for musicians and singers, it is very important to every human being. Relationships (any kind of a relationships) are going wrong whenever people stop listening to eachother. You stop listening, because in the process somewhere you got hurt and in order to avoid more wounds and pain, you close yourself - for the sake of survival, purely by instict. And this is where your insticts can bring you to make a wrong decision and instead of releasing the tension, more tension is created. Such a pity. I'm not saying you have to accept everything you listen to. Eventually you'll make a selection (based on different factors) and you'll keep only the most useful information.

When you are seeing with your heart, you listen. You accept what you hear and you pay attention. Without listening, you can only see the surface and that surface is already within the reach of the Eyes. 

As for me, I'm not interested in the surface, I would like to see and feel the depths, the real beauty of existence. The surface will never satisfy me...

An update and random thoughts

Well, long time no see... I haven't been updating my blog for a while and after being asked recently if I'm planning to continue, here you go. Athough I cannot really promise one guiding thought in this entry.

I would like to begin this entry by giving you a little update about what I was doing in the past months. I think I published my last entry sometime around end of March, and ever since I have several things behind my back. Now, as I look back I have a kind of busy period behind me and now that I don't really have any concert booked to give until next year, I am kind of happy. I can use these months (practically from 2nd week of September until the end of the year) for prepare next year's activities with Scherzi Musici and Bartók Rózsái Énekegyüttes, and begin to prepare some more interesting and challenging stuff (don't worry, I'll keep you posted about these new stuff).

Scherzi Musici got the chance to give two fringe concerts at the Utrecht Early Music Festival and we could perform our ars nova programme, Petrarch, a Medieval Poet, and a week after also a long planned and preparred cooperation with Duo Suoni was presented at the season's opening concert of Lidwina in concert  in Best, which was an evening with Italian Early Baroque compositions. Before all these in August we had a fruitful rehearsal and preparation period with Bartók Rózsái Énekegyüttes in Hungary, and we managed to record all the material for a video trailer of our programme - the trailer still needs to be finished, but once it's ready I will post it anywhere I can. Earlier this year we also had a photo shoot, we have programme description ready, so you can say that the portfolio of Bartók Rózsái Énekegyüttes is almost ready.

And recently I've started taking an improv course in Amsterdam at easylaughs, which has seemingly nothing to do with singing, but it does with performing and letting go of control. I have met wonderful people in the past months and I don't think you'll see many similarly emotional posts, like last 4 or 5 entries of this blog, because aside from these music and performing based developments I also took the time to recover and take a closer look at my contant weight-loss. Now that my weight is stabilized along with my thoughts I feel myself strong enough to get on my two beautiful feet and legs and just walk towards my goals.

My goals to be able to let go as much as possible of the control of my intellect, to develop my voice, broaden my repertory, deepen my current knowledge in singing and in music. And just enjoy life while being morally absolutely correct and unquestionable. Because it doesn't matter what the media and everyone else telling you: morals do matter. I won't give any explanation on that, because it is not necessary. Did you do anything in the past that you still regret? Take care of it/them as soon as possible, so you can leave the weary feeling of regret. Take the responsibility for your deeds in the past and vow that you'd never act the same way as you used to if those deeds give you the feeling of regret. Apologize, if you need it and don't hold on to resentment - regardless a few things in life, the choice is always yours: remember, you have the possibility to choose for the good.

At the yoga studio where I go 2 or 3 times a week at least, there are few packs of inspirational and insight cards. Not like I would ever give credit to those, but I liked this one: "Old ways won't open new doors". If I think about it now, I think I've always known this, but reading it on a piece of paper of hearing it aloud reminds me to the truth behind this simple phrase.

And now I am just happy to be alive and  to have no regrets...

The key to inner peace is...

... forgiveness.

For a long time I thought the key to inner peace is to be satisfied with your accomplished goals and being successful, but I had to realise that these things are rather results of the inner peace, than the inner peace itself.

It was about 3 years ago when I went to Finland for the Sastamala Gregoriana masterclass, and my senses awakened (see this entry for more), and that helped me realise how much negativity and resentment I am holding onto instead of letting go of old grudges. Of course, I was shocked seeing how many emotional loose ends I have. The shock was followed by embarrassment and frustration, and then I really decided to take care of my emotional loose ends. One would think these loose ends cannot cause much problems, but the more you have of them, the more they will block your way of getting over old things. And here I would quote here Carrie Fischer again: "... let's say something happens and from a certain slant, maybe it's tragic and even a little bit shocking. And then time passes and you go to the funny slant and now that very same thing can no longer do you any harm."
If you don't go to the "funny slant" as time goes by, and don't understand and accept that tragic and shocking experiences can no longer do you any harm, you'll get stuck in your past.

But how can you actually go to the funny slant? My mother always says: if you cannot laugh about it, you are not over it yet. Even top secret documents have expiration date, not to mention foodstuff. The only thing that certain and eternal in this World is that everything continuously changes. If you prevent this natural flow, there's no way you could come out of it healthy and unhurt.

Even at singing, if you for example grab on your larynx, you'll get eventually vocal problems after a while. The essence of Life is change, therefore for a healthy career you shouldn't be afraid of this natural flow.

How you take care of loose ends? You apply forgiveness. You forgive everyone that has ever intentionally or unintentionally hurt you - including yourself. There's always two sides of the coin and sometimes you just have to accept that whatever happened, it cannot be helped, just forgive without wanting to hear an apology.

I am still working on my loose ends. How about you?